rollercoaster
by Tatikara
Summary: [ aerith, squall & yuffie ] hold on tight — it's a long way to fall. [contest entry]


**Disclaimer**: I don't own Kingdom Hearts.

**rollercoaster  
**oneshot.  
( aerithsquallyuffie friendship )

& - - - »

Sometimes it was hard for him to remember a time when they hadn't been together.

It was hard for him to think about when Squall was Squall and Leon didn't exist; his memory seemed to blank, refusing to acknowledge the fifteen years he'd spent prior to the attack on Radiant Garden. It was the millions of dizzying amber eyes peering hungrily at him from the darkness where his recollections began, houses and streets alight with fire that hissed and spat at him while he ran. It was the disappointment he threw at himself, a burden weighing heavily on his shoulders; it was the thick shadows, alive and growing and tripping him in the street. There was pain -- creatures wrapping icy fingers around his wrists and prodding at his chest, leaving a deep cut between his eyes when he wouldn't give them their prize.

But mostly, he could remember two battered girls staring warily at him as Cid Highwind pushed him through the doors of a Gummi Ship.

At the time, he hadn't known their names; their faces were only vaguely familiar, ghosts of his past snatched from the fading crowds of Radiant Garden. One was a flower girl ( he bought something from her when he was thirteen, charmed by her alluring smile ), and the other was a thief ( she stole his munny last month, but was far too quick for him to catch ). They were both filthy and broken and searching for some sort of comfort in him -- and he felt guilty, because he knew he couldn't give them something that he barely knew himself.

When he didn't speak or smile or break the silence ( if you disregard the screams and crashes coming from outside of the spacecraft ), the thief choked back a loud sob, clinging tightly to the flower girl's arm. The flower girl gently hushed her, emerald eyes trailing from Squall's impenetrable gaze to the blood trickling over the bridge of his nose.

"You're hurt," She gasped quietly, making him frown. He could barely begin to shake his head in denial before Cid burst through the doorway again, covered in ash, a tight frown on his lips.

"Can't find anyone else," He muttered angrily, pushing past the children to get to the cockpit a few feet ahead. Immediately upon reaching the controls, he pressed a button, and the doors shut behind them with a quick, finalizing _thud_. It hardly muffled the sound of their world crashing down outside.

"We gotta get out while we still can -- so hold on to something," Cid warned while falling into the pilot's seat, out of time to let them buckle themselves in.

The flower girl glanced carefully at Squall, but the stare was brief; pounding and scratching echoed inside of the Gummi Ship, as if the monsters were attacking it, attempting to get in and ruin their escape plan. The thief pressed her hands over her ears and wailed.

"Don't let them in!" She cried -- and Squall blanched, scanning every corner of the Gummi Ship with caution.

What if they _did_ get in . . . ?

Determination swept over Squall as Cid cursed in the front of the ship and tried to get it working. He hadn't been able to save his world, but he could still look after _them_.

Swallowing all of his fear and regret and frustration ( if only for a second ), he moved across the room to stand protectively by the girls -- but the Gummi Ship roared to life in the process, lurching up and sending him tumbling to the floor. The flower girl and the thief lost their footing as well, and the three of them collapsed, tangling into a mess of limbs and yelps.

Taking Cid's advice, the thief quickly latched her tiny fingers onto Squall's shirt as he tried to pull himself up again, brown eyes wide and pleading. It caught him off guard, but there was little time to rest, let alone pry her hands away so he could jump to his feet; they were heading toward the sky, trapped on a vicious rollercoaster ride through space. Cid, attempting to break free from the monsters long enough to successfully escape, could do no more than hope they'd followed his orders. Stopping his gratuitous effort would leave them vulnerable and probably dead.

The Gummi Ship lurched again, and the three slid along the ground. Squall extended his arm toward the flower girl, who fell gratefully into his grasp as the thief huddled closer, biting back screams that caught in her throat. In an instant, he felt his back hit the metal wall, blurring his vision and making the flight all the more surreal.

Three hearts beat fast against his chest; he held the burden for the girls and closed his eyes and tried to ignore every other sound. Cid's growls, the monsters still clinging to the ship -- each noise meshed into a quiet hum in the back of his head, until he could only hear their panicked hearts fluttering in time with his own.

Eventually, the hazardous carnival ride began to slow, though none of them dared to move, afraid that safety was only an illusion. There was a grim silence hovering over their heads as the Gummi Ship stilled and balanced, having broken free from the world's weakened barrier. Despite the sudden calm, the three still held on to each other; the thief's tiny fingers grasped at Squall's tattered shirt, and the flower girl's arms coiled around his neck.

The peace became a horrible pressure that made it hard to breathe as a single revelation seemed to flicker into each of their minds: _We survived_.

When that didn't make Squall feel better, he held on tighter.

- - -

Part of Squall was afraid to let go.

The other part of him allowed everything to slip between his fingers, from friendships to memories and to his own name.

When they landed in Traverse Town, broken but still alive, he found that the flower girl was Aerith, and the thief was ( _The Great Ninja_ ) Yuffie.

"Squall," Was the first thing he told them when they asked of his name. At the time, it hadn't mattered.

But soon, his name was a constant reminder of his past; of the boy who hadn't been able to defend his home, and lost everything because of it. He hated Squall. He wanted to become someone else, because he knew he could be stronger, if only Squall wouldn't get in the way.

He was convinced that to do this, he had to let go of himself.

Letting go quickly became his only solution to problems.

"There are monsters here too," Yuffie explained to him a week after they landed, as they walked toward the accessory shop that Cid was busy working on. "I saw them this morning. I bet we could get rid of them, couldn't we, Squall?" She flashed the teen a childish grin, dreaming up adventures that were much more dangerous than a six-year-old's usual idea of playing pretend.

"It's Leon," He replied without hesitation, the name strange but powerful on his tongue.

Yuffie stopped in her tracks, whirling around to face him with a scrutinizing stare.

"Huh?"

"My name is Leon," He repeated carefully for her, without stopping or meeting her gaze.

"I don't get it."

He sighed and walked past her.

Yuffie told Aerith that "Squall's acting weird" before he could alert her of the name change. Still, she took it well; much more so than Yuffie, who continued to use his old name on a regular basis, still claiming that she 'didn't get it.'

"Squa-- . . . Leon is just moving on in his own way, Yuffie," Aerith had responded, sadness flickering quietly in emerald eyes. Perhaps she understood what he was trying to do; but she could never let herself agree with his decision, unconvinced that he could run away from his past so easily.

Yuffie pretended not to care and teased him relentlessly, her intentions well, even if it never made him smile. To her, moving on had nothing to do with names, so she thought he was being silly. Her way of moving on was admitting "Well, we're screwed," while still keeping a painfully cheerful grin on her face.

She was the Great Optimist Ninja Yuffie, except at night.

Nighttime was when she had ghosts of her own. Nightmares snuck into her dreams -- of waking up at home to see monsters in her room; of running down the streets, searching for her parents to no avail; of being snatched away and thrown into a moving rollercoaster, seatbelts gone and with nothing to hold on to but a wilted flower and a scarred lion.

Leon knew a lot about her dreams, only because she tiptoed to his room every time she had one and whispered them into the darkness, before drifting to sleep against his chest. She did this for years, but he would listen, or pretend to. Her dreams were never happy, like the smile she kept on her face while the sun was still in the sky. Leon rejected her nightmares about Radiant Garden just as he imagined that there was no time before this, and no Squall to hold him back.

Her slumber never seemed disturbed when she slept near him. He imagined that she felt _safe_ with him -- and he would cringe every time he considered that, attempting not to compare himself to the boy who was helpless against the monsters in his home. He could protect her. _He could_. And that was why he let her sleep with him -- because he wasn't Squall anymore. He was Leon, and he could scare all of her nightmares away.

But what if something happened to him? What if she never grew up, and always went to someone else for protection? What if her nightmares never really went away, and he wasn't around to fix them?

He had to let go again, he decided -- because he wanted her to be able protect herself, and it was what any friend would want, right?

It was well past midnight when he heard her scratching quietly at his door, like the monsters had scratched at the Gummi Ship the night they lost their world.

_Don't let them in!_ she had yelled then -- and he didn't move from his bed to open the door, instead hoping that she'd turn and leave ( even though he knew she wouldn't -- she never did ).

He heard her turn the doorknob carefully, trying not to wake anyone else as she broke into his room. She tip-toed silently to his bedside -- Ninja Stealth, she would call it, were it morning -- and shifted awkwardly once she was there, as if waiting for him to open his eyes and listen.

When he didn't, she whispered his name hesitantly into the darkness.

"Leon." He didn't move, putting on his best act for her as he pretended to sleep.

"_Leon_," She tried again, desperately, pushing at his shoulder; "Wake up."

He closed his eyes tighter.

She paused for a long time, fingers hovering over his skin, waiting.

"Squall," She finally murmured, her voice cracking quietly.

"It's Leon," He corrected automatically, his gaze tired and ancient as he gave in and looked at her. She was biting her lip, arms crossed, embarrassment and dread sinking deep within her eyes.

"You were trying to ignore me," She commented before sitting carefully on the bottom of his mattress, pulling her knees close to her chest. Realizing that he wasn't going to respond to this, she cleared her throat and began:

"I had another nightmare . . ."

"Go back to bed, Yuffie," Leon cut in, stopping her short.

"I can't," She sighed, wrapping her arms tighter around her legs. "It'll just come back."

"You don't have nightmares when you sleep here," He tried to reason with her, finally sitting up.

"That's because I'm _here_. I'm not alone -- I'm with you."

For a moment, Leon hesitated -- and then his frown grew tighter, an angry spark licking at gray eyes.

"You have to grow up, Yuffie," He said, and he hadn't meant to sound so cruel, but Yuffie flinched anyway.

She didn't get off of the bed, and she couldn't retort; she only stared, brown eyes wide and pleading like they had been the night they met.

_Don't let go yet, Squall_.

He did.

He left the room, he left the house -- he left Yuffie trembling on his bed, fighting back her nightmares like a big girl.

As he walked into Traverse Town's deserted streets, Leon didn't know that he was pushing her away instead of letting go. Maybe he didn't know what "growing up" meant, either, because he never had the chance; he was always too busy running away.

- - -

When Leon discovered that Yuffie was right -- there were monsters here, too -- he decided that they needed to visit the weaponry shop.

Yuffie was excited because she was Yuffie; she couldn't wait to grab a weapon and test it out on the monsters. Honestly, Leon was a little worried that she was going to end up cutting her finger off in the store, and required that she keep her hands safely fastened behind her back if she wanted him to buy anything for her.

Aerith was pleasantly calm about the matter, though hardly seemed eager to search through staffs and swords to find something to defend herself with. Lately, she'd been too interested in magic to think about training with a weapon. Cid met a wizard named Merlin in the town, and he agreed to teach Aerith some of what he knew -- though Leon couldn't grasp _why_. To him, a weapon was much more reliable than sorcery during a battle, especially when they hardly knew what they were up against.

He was sure he would feel better if the girls had something to protect themselves with whenever he was away. He didn't want them getting any nasty scars between their eyes; he wasn't sure he could handle any more regrets, because he couldn't change his name again, and how would he move on then?

Aerith always seemed to lament over the injury on Leon's face, as if she could have prevented it.

"It's probably going to scar," She had told him sadly after they landed at Traverse Town, and she cleaned the wound. He had only grunted indifferently, unfazed by the potential scratch on his face.

Sometimes, he'd catch her gazing at the scar etched along the bridge of his nose, her eyes heavy with thoughts and regrets. He tried to convince her that there was nothing she could do -- but his injury seemed to haunt her quietly, reminding her of the destruction that she couldn't heal with hope or words.

"Hands, Yuffie," Leon casually reminded the restless ninja as they reached the shop, as if chiding a toddler. Obediently, her fingers intertwined behind her back, and she bounced on her heels while he opened the door for her.

Surprisingly, it hadn't taken long for Yuffie to find what she wanted; after being told by the unfortunate shop owner that a shuriken was a "Ninja Weapon," she insisted that Leon buy it for her. He agreed, albeit reluctantly, and let her hold them as long as she promised that she would be careful -- which, maybe, wasn't much of a promise after all, because she was still _Yuffie_ and prone to accidents.

Leon decided to buy a gunblade, despite the shop owner warning him that it was a complex weapon. Convinced that it didn't matter ( he was Leon, not Squall, meaning that he could train with whatever he wanted to because he was _strong_ ), he placed it on the counter and glanced toward Aerith. She'd been standing quietly in the back of the shop, waiting for them to finish -- and empty handed.

Leon frowned, but Aerith simply offered him a calm smile, as if reading his thoughts.

"I'm not going to buy a weapon," She stated gently but surely. Leon nearly scoffed.

"You need to. It's not safe here."

"It's okay. I'm going to focus on my magic."

_You've seen what they can do_, he wanted to say; he wanted to yell at her for being so stupid, for forgetting that the monsters took their home and would have _killed_ them because they'd been so defenseless.

Instead, he settled with a skeptical "Why?"

"So you'll never get hurt again," Aerith replied with a sad smile as she glanced toward his scar, though he understood that it meant much more to her than making sure his wounds healed smoothly. Still, he shook his head disapprovingly, his frown tightening. That was Leon; always too worried about them and never worried enough about himself. It was hard to get him to understand that they were worried about him, too -- because every time they'd try and get a little too close, he'd push them away.

"Ow!" Yuffie wailed suddenly, and they both turned quickly toward the ninja. "It bit me," She hissed, cradling her index finger close to her chest and glaring angrily at the shuriken that she'd dropped on the floor. Aerith noticed Leon tense beside her ( probably afraid that, if she _did_ cut her finger off, it would be his fault for letting her hold the weapon ), and sighed softly while brushing past him to examine Yuffie's injury.

The younger girl immediately extended her arm, index finger out. A small, relieved smile slipped across Aerith's lips; she'd merely pricked her finger on it. It was nothing to be worried about, though the tension coming from Leon seemed to be enough to fill the entire room. Aerith took Yuffie's hand carefully in her own, sweeping her finger delicately across the cut. Magic sparkled from her fingertip -- an alluring green light that sunk painlessly into Yuffie's scratch, mending the skin until it seemed like nothing had happened.

Aerith knew that time would heal her wounds. She knew that it could be the same for Leon, too, if he would stop running.

She thought that maybe their friendship could heal him instead, because some of their strongest bonds were made on the night that their world was destroyed. But he would need to hold on long enough for it to work, and he was already slipping away.

- - -

Sometimes Leon thought that he was in too deep to catch himself again.

Yuffie had grown up. Occasionally it didn't seem like it, but she was strong -- maybe even stronger than him. He wasn't sure if she still had her nightmares, but she no longer broke into his room in the middle of the night. Leon knew that he was part of the reason she became a warrior, and sometimes wondered why he could never do the same for himself.

Aerith had healed -- in more than one way. Her smiles became less sad as their time together in Traverse Town wore on, and she learned enough magic from Merlin to become the area's own healer. She no longer gazed at the scar on his face and remembered their home, destroyed and overrun by darkness; she began to think of the future, and urged Leon to do the same.

He found that it was much harder to put his ghosts to rest. Even after letting go, moving on, pushing them away, he wasn't satisfied; and it was a long way to fall.

When the Keyblade Master gave them their home back, Leon was convinced that he could restore Radiant Garden to be at ease again. It was the least he could do, after failing to protect it the first time.

But the monsters -- the Heartless -- were persistent, gathering and strengthening near the town's decaying castle. It was never easy for him to fight when they attacked; his mind always wandered to ten years ago, when Leon was Squall and Squall was holding him back.

Sometimes, it made his head swim and something would catch him off guard -- like today. Leon and Yuffie had just returned from fighting a group of Heartless that came too close to the town; only one person was unscathed.

As Aerith's hands hovered gently over Leon's new injury -- a cut across his chest ( they'd gotten too close, this time ) -- Yuffie was animatedly relaying the day's events to Cloud, a wide grin stretched across her face.

"So then I'm running around the corner and I see Leon and there's this BIG Heartless behind him--"

"It wasn't that big," Leon gruffly interrupted.

"It was too!" She retorted childishly, turning to the older man with her hands on her hips. "You're lucky I got there in time! You were _dead_, Leon."

"Whatever," He scoffed, rolling his eyes while Yuffie turned her attention back to Cloud. Aerith stifled a giggle with her hand.

"So while he's trying to fight the thing, I sneak up behind it and take out my shuriken and POW--" She punched the air dramatically for effect, and Cloud backed up a step "--knocked it cold! No one messes around with The Great Ninja Yuffie's friends--"

"There," Aerith said quietly, backing away from Leon as she finished treating his injury. It would have scarred, had Aerith not become such an apt healer -- and that fact seemed to make her smile.

"That was . . . very close, Leon," She stated after a moment, though the smile never left her lips.

He nodded.

Yuffie suddenly swung her arms around his shoulders, still grinning ear to ear.

"How's your chest, Leon?" She teased. "Man-oh-man, you're lucky you weren't Heartless food . . ."

"Leave Leon alone," Aerith suggested playfully while the man swatted Yuffie away, noticeably less cheerful than the two girls. It was a wonder why they stuck with him at all, sometimes; it seemed like he belonged anywhere but with the flower girl and the thief, who had moved on without him long ago. Their friendship became a rollercoaster ride as vicious as the one they'd met in, all because Leon only knew how to rely on himself. And he couldn't, he realized, because all he really did was run away.

"Leon?" Aerith asked, and he realized that they were both staring at him curiously, waiting for some sort of reaction.

". . . It's Squall," He murmured hesitantly, glancing toward the girls with the same tired, ancient gaze. The name wasn't quite as powerful as it had been the first time he changed it, but it was still just as peculiar.

Maybe he couldn't pull himself back by turning back into the boy he once loathed; maybe he'd keep slipping away.

It was still a long way to fall, but maybe they'd be there to catch him in the end.

& - - - ×

**author's note** ---  
Ahah, I was so worried I wouldn't get this done in time. D:  
This is for warm.summer.night's friendship contest. I had the prompt "rollercoaster."  
I'm afraid the friendship I was trying to portray between them didn't come off well enough. Eh.  
I don't know -- I think I could have done better. I hope you liked it, though.


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